Lots of thoughts, feelings, happenings… but not feeling equipped to distill into any posts here. All is well. Mostly exquisite, with some pinpricks of newness, change, settling in, uncomfortability. More waking up, more evolution.
But summer! Ahh, summer. I live for this.
I’ve begun and then abandoned dozens of posts here (and in the shower, and on the train… ). Which causes me to feel pretty fucking pathetic. Also on that list of pathetic?
I am not a perfect woman, mother, lover, friend, sister, daughter, neighbor, ex, writer, employee, human, random passer-by. I still don’t know what I’m going to be when I grow up. And I didn’t realize I shouldn’t have gotten married to a man until it was much too late.*
*Except then I wouldn’t have my growing toolkit of relationship skills, accumulated while living with + loving someone who never quite fit with me. Always searching for my heart’s balm; convinced it was out there. And I wouldn’t be acquainted my amazing daughter, who has grown + stretched every part of me (heh) beyond all my imaginings. And I wouldn’t be where I am right now; right in this spot. Because even though it’s an uncomfortable spot, I am pretty god-blam sure it’s where I’m supposed to be at the moment.
Back to the point that I wanted to make: I haven’t been putting my thoughts out into the world because they weren’t perfect enough. Which I know in my head is ridiculous. (What is perfect? Would I even want perfect? No, thank you.)
So I will attempt to release my addiction to perfectionism + just spew forth the perfectly imperfect.
For more excellent thoughts on perfectionism, shame, ordinariness, earning approval + acceptance, and vulnerability, please see this awesome TED Talk by Brene Brown. And/or this short interview with her on HuffPo.